Thoughts on breaking up

Last week I wasn’t able to write a sin­gle thing for this diary. While I did my best to keep a day-to-day one page diary, writ­ing some­thing longer was beyond my con­trol. Because last week I lost some­one very dear to me for rea­sons I still don’t under­stand and with­out being able to do a sin­gle thing to avoid it. Thus break­ing mul­ti­ple promis­es I did to myself for this begin­ning of year.

Since then I’m slow­ly try­ing to cope with the break up, and to get back to a dai­ly rou­tine cor­rect­ly. I found an infi­nite wis­dom in the say­ing “This too shall pass”, which helps me to go for­ward through­out the day, know­ing that every­thing I’m feel­ing, every­thing I’m encoun­ter­ing, every sin­gle ques­tion I have will pass. Every sin­gle state I’m in, at this moment, will van­ish if I give it some time.

While I still don’t get the exact rea­son for this sep­a­ra­tion, I’m con­fi­dent that I did my best, and that I did every­thing I could on my side. In moments like this, it is always hard to exact­ly define where is the line between what you should do, what is beyond your con­trol and what would dimin­ish your­self. I have to thank the 2 months I’ve spent prac­tic­ing med­i­ta­tion, which helped me make some steps back and observe things from a dis­tance (pro­vid­ing me some relief also in hard times like this). Practicing each morn­ing a pre­med­i­ta­tio mal­o­rum helped me, as this break up was a sce­nario I had already pic­tured for sev­er­al weeks (and I have to say that for the last 10 days, it has become incred­i­bly easy to practice).

I still have a lot of work to do to get total­ly back on my feet, but I won’t give up. I know there’ll be bet­ter days, I’m doing my best to keep my head up and my hopes high, and to get back on tracks. Meanwhile, this event helped me also to dis­cov­er a lot of things around me and how much empa­thy peo­ple could express when you’re going through hard times. I don’t think I’ll ever under­stand why this has hap­pened nor get used to, but at least I’m able to stand up and I know that, even if I’m not able to seize the day yet, this will come back, in time.

Remember, noth­ing belongs to you but your flesh and blood — and noth­ing else is under your con­trol.”
 — Marcus Aurelius (Meditations)

 
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Simon Vandereecken

Freelance UX Designer living in Brussels (Belgium), with a deep interest into philosophy, personal growth, self improvement, books, music, ... well in many things ! I use this website to write thoughts going through my head as well as ideas, observations and reading notes. Feel free to get in touch ;)